MeMe

Last meme of the year. Hey, if I make it back from work alive tonight, I just might post my Resolutions post before midnight. 

1) Put your music player on shuffle.
2) For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3) Write down the name of the song, no matter how silly it sounds.
4)Put any comments in brackets after the song name.

If someone says “Is this OK”, you say? In the Hollow of Thy Hand, Sugarland Run
How would you describe yourself? Midnight Clear, Trans-siberian Orchestra
What do you like in a guy? Girl America, Mat Kearney [Does this make me gay?]
How do you feel today? Your Body is a Wonderland, John Mayer [why yes, I am a bit horny ;)]
What is your life’s purpose? Jealous of the Moon, Nickel Creek
What is your motto? Somebody Else’s Moon, Collin Raye [what is this moon obsession?]
What do your friends think of you? Summer Sun, Kirby Heyborne
What do you think of your parents? Bitter End, Dixie Chicks
What do you think about most often? this, Kirby Heyborne
What do you think of your best friend? Remember When it Rained, John Groban
What do you think of the person you like? Trying to Love You, Trisha Yearwood
What is your life story? Waiting on the World to Change, John Mayer
What do you want to be when you grow up? What Child is This, Third Day
What do you think of when you see a person you like? I Hope, Dixie Chicks [dude, it looks like I am cheating. lol]
What will you dance to at your wedding? Don’t Blink, Kenny Chesney
What will they play at your funeral? Waters Gone By, Shawn Lewis
What is your biggest fear? I Don’t Trust Myself (With Loving You), John Mayer
What is your biggest secret? Tied Together With a Smile, Taylor Swift
What do you think of your friends? Bold As Love, John Mayer
What will you post this as? Tired, Kirby Heyborne

It’s a little scary how accurate this damn thing is, huh? 

Tied Together With a Smile is one of my very favorite songs, and in a way, it is my secret, except it’s not much of a secret. I try to be that strong one, but the smile doesn’t usually tie me together very well.
Seems the only one who doesn’t see your beauty
Is the face in the mirror
Looking back at you
  You walk around here thinking you’re not pretty
But that’s not true,
Cause I know you…

Hold on,
Baby, you’re losing it
The water’s high, you’re jumping into it
And letting go…
And no one knows

That you cry, but you don’t tell anyone
That you might not be the golden one
And you’re tied together with a smile
But you’re coming undone

I guess it’s true that love was all you wanted
Cause you’re
Giving it away like it’s extra change
Hoping it will end up in his pocket

But he leaves you out like a penny in the rain
Oh, cause it’s not his price to pay

Its Not his price to pay…

Hold on,
Baby, you’re losing it
The water’s high, you’re jumping into it
And letting go…
And no one knows
That you cry, but you don’t tell anyone
That you might not be the golden one

And you’re tied together with a smile
But you’re coming undone
Oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh

Hold on,
Baby, you’re losing it
The water’s high, you’re jumping into it
And letting go…
And no one knows

That you cry, but you don’t tell anyone
That you might not be the golden one

You’re tied together with a smile
But you’re coming undone…
Oh, oh, oh, oh

You’re tied together with a smile
But you’re coming undone…
Oh, oh, oh

Goodbye, baby
With a smile, baby, baby

Oh, oh

 

To Stress or Not to Stress?

Life really does get in the way of blogging, at least when you are as deliciously lazy as I am. When blogworthy things are happening, I am far too busy to actually blog them. That would make entirely too much sense. 

I find myself currently in the midst of an existential crisis, most notably existential because I am not sure if it is even occurring, or if I am just being an insufferable ninny. Probably the latter. 

Everything is going swimmingly. I’m beyond happy at work, succeeding for the first time in a little while. My confidence is definitely back. I’m reminded that doing well in (reasonably) less than favorable circumstances is my specialty and that I can have full control of a kitchen without being unpleasant about it. 

It is an amazing confidence boost to find that people actually like working with me. Not all of them, mind you. I’m not that nice. 

I couldn’t be happier relationship wise. Current connections are strengthening and new ones are being built, and I continued to be surprised at almost every turn. I might turn out to be a fully formed person someday!

Maybe this existential crisis just needed to be written out of my system. I miss the rhythmic pounding of keys and of iambic meter, carefully measured and artfully disrupted. The sentences that aren’t really. The turns of phrase that are trite, but still leave a warm feeling in that center of my brain that is all too pleased with itself. 

Maybe it’s time to pause from the reading, put down the books, and start working on my own.

Nah. 

Too lazy.

Too Tired

  … for a real post, so here’s some Kenny Chesney:

There’s a spirit of a storm in my soul 
A restlessness that I can’t seem to tame 
Thunder and lightning follow everywhere I go 
There’s a spirit of a storm in my soul. 

There’s a hurricane that’s raging through my blood 
I can’t find a way to calm the sea 
Maybe I’ll find someday the waters aren’t so rushed 
Right now they’ve got the best of me 
And oh, it’s been a long, long time 
Since I had real peace of mind 
So I’m just going to sit right here 
In this old chair till this storm rolls by. 

Oh, maybe it’s just the way I am 
Maybe I won’t ever change 
So I’m just going to sit right here 
In this old chair and just soak up the rain. 

There’s a spirit of a storm in my soul 
Every time I think it’s gone away 
Dark clouds gather, that old wind begins to blow 
The sun’s going to shine someday I hope 

There’s a spirit of a storm in my soul, in my soul.

Out with the Old…

Below is the list of 50 Things I Want(ed) to Do Before I Die, about four years old. Things have changed, but not everything,

Bold are those that I accomplished.

Italics I’m still working on.

Strikethrough are the no longer desireds.

  1. Bear testimony completely by the Spirit.
  2. Spend a summer in Ireland.
  3. Publish a book.
  4. Get married in the Temple.
  5. Go waterskiing.
  6. Climb a mountain.
  7. Get my MBA.
  8. Buy a house.
  9. Understand the Book of Mormon.
  10. Have a two-way conversation with God.
  11. Watch my children get married.
  12. Get out of debt.
  13. Feel comfortable in my own skin.
  14. Own my own business.
  15. Read thousands of books.
  16. Recieve my Edowments.
  17. Speak another language.
  18. Learn to cook well.
  19. Eat lots of chocolate.
  20. Serve a mission.
  21. Learn to ski.
  22. Beat Bret at Pinochle.
  23. Become completely interdependent.
  24. Do what I love for a living.
  25. Say what I mean.
  26. Get my degree.
  27. Visit a monastery.
  28. Live where no one knows my name.
  29. Stop hunger.
  30. Adopt a child.
  31. Watch a World Cup Game live.
  32. Love without fear.
  33. Have confidence in myself.
  34. Watch the Red Sox with ANOTHER World Series.
  35. Sleep under the stars.
  36. Go on a cruise.
  37. Be someone’s hero.
  38. Rock my baby to sleep.
  39. Travel in Europe.
  40. Embrace my inner geek.
  41. Win an argument with Justin.
  42. Be in soccer shape.
  43. Read Catch-22.
  44. Treat my body like a temple.
  45. Walk up the stairs without getting winded.
  46. Decorate my house.
  47. Learn to act on promptings.
  48. Get a Hobby.
  49. Kiss in the rain.
  50. See a Broadway show.

I guess the more things change, the more they stay the same. 

How terribly cliche.

Sick and Spoiled

So, for the second time in three weeks, I have been felled by bronchitis. Enough really is enough. I’ve used all my sick days this year, and I am completely miserable. 

I thought I had handily dispensed of the sickness the first time, with the might of a fully finished round of anti-biotics–which is quite the feat for me, but it is back with a vengence. For the first time ever, I have to use an inhaler to breathe. 

So, this is why the writing has been sparse. I just have noooooo energy. 

I’m glad Gramma is here to spoil me with dinner and sandwiches and nagging reminders to take my medication.

The love is felt.

Before I Die

I check the stats like a crazy person, so I know that nobody reads here anymore. But because I am a crazy person, I’ll continue to post here. Which suits me fine, because I get plenty of attention whore fulfillment on my more private/public blog. Talk about the irony!

Anyway, while I was moving, I found a list from a few years ago of 100 things to do before I die, which was really only 50 items long. It was interesting to read, because I could cross a few off the list because I had accomplished them: 

  • Beat Bret at Pinochle
  • Embrace my Inner Geek
  • Be Comfortable in my own Skin (hey, almost there!)

And some I could cross off because I just don’t want them anymore:

  • Serve a Mission
  • Recieve my Endowments

I guess it’s time for a new list. 

Heck, I love adding new pages, even if no one reads them but me.

Moving On

I’m really moving on in so many ways these days, that my head is almost spinning.

There’s the literal moving of home, which is now 95% complete, and will be finished before close of business today. And while this moving is the most immediate and phyisically demanding, it’s not the hardest.

I’m a clinger. I hate change of any kind. but I love growth, and growth demands change.

I’m learning that it’s okay for some people not to be in my life, even if their influence is mostly positive, and especially when their influence is mostly negative. Time may be infinite in the long term, but in the short term, there is a distinct shortage. It reminds me of that joke that in the long run, the market will fix itself, but as Keynes says, ‘in the long run, we are all dead.’

Letting go of fanciful notions is a tough process, too, and it’s one that pushes me into cynicism, as if I am not jaded enough. My One True Love is not my one true love. Heck, even my crushes are no longer my crushes. This aspect of moving on is one that is so healthy, but not so healthy, too, because it makes me build walls every time. I still have some growing to do in this department.

Instead of letting go and letting God, I am simply letting go of God. If he is really all-knowing, he will know why, and perhaps if he can see the future, he can see my eventual return, or maybe I won’t return. The universe I envision does not include a God who needs or wants worship. He seems far too laissez faire for that.

That post is still coming, but the boxes are beckoning.