Still…

In the throes of moving.

But praise be, I’ve got internet and cable.

But no time to use them.

And you thought this would be a real post?

Who’s the cute little reader?

You are.

You’re the cute little reader.

Hour 22

I’ve been awake way too long.

But my stuff is almost completely packed.

We have plenty to move tomorrow.

The rest will be gone by this time next week.

I have an apartment to organise, problem sets to complete and exams to study for, with internet access likely to be spotty for awhile.

So, I’m not dissapearing or going on hiatus.

I just got stuff to do.

Good night and I’ll have pics of the new place once we are settled.

A Little Praise with My Worship

Let me explain.

It’s not that I don’t like my own Church. I do. I don’t think that there’s any other creed that I could accept almost entirely.

It’s just that I have needs.

I’ve tried to fill these needs in other ways, like blasting CCM on my iPod while driving, all the while ignoring the funny looks I get from passersby. But my hands have to stay on the wheel and my eyes have to stay open, or I’ll be meetin’ Jesus a lot earlier than either of us has planned.

I’ve watched some preachers on TV, but for the most part, they’re nuts. I say that with all due respect to nutso televangelists.

I’ve tried reading books, but there’s only so much you can get by proxy. Sometimes you just gotta do it.

So, I asked Sewaa at work today which church she goes to. I need to do this with a friend, so I don’t feel so alone and strange. I know I’ll feel strange, but I don’t want to feel alone.

The Catho-Mormon stage has been dead for a while. The quasi-Mormon stage just hasn’t been working. Maybe a Mormoncostal  balancing act will be just the ticket.

Now, I know some of you are probably wondering why I feel the need to blend. Why not just dump the whole Mormon thing once and for all?

Well, there’s this nagging little thing I like to call a testimony.

There are things that have been God-whispered straight to my soul. There are precious few things I can claim to know, but those few things I do know, I know beyond any doubt. I just can’t deny them.

And why not blend, if it brings me closer to God?

Isn’t the closeness the thing?

The Murky Middle

Terms like liberal and conservative are all relative. To some I sound liberal, but in saying the following, I am going to come off sounding more conservative than I’d like.

I just finished watching Jesus Camp.

And…

I’m dissapointed. I thought it would be outrageous and controversal.

But I’m just left with a feeling of…

eh.

A bunch of Fundamentalist Evangelicals are raising their kinds to be–get this–Fundamentalist Evangelicals. They are teaching their kids to be soldiers for Christ, to stand up for righteousness. To stand up to people who tell them that God doesn’t have a place in their everyday lives, nor a place in their government.

Now, I admit that I felt a little funny watching them pray over the electrical equipment, telling Satan in Jesus’ name that he has no power over the Power Point program. The pastor lady kind of creeped me out, too.

But the people in this video are only different from me by degrees and by devotion.

I don’t have that level of devotion to God; I only wish it were so.

I don’t walk around a room and demand that Satan depart from the microphones, but I do get down on my knees and pray that nothing will go wrong, that the Spirit will attend, and that each person will learn what it is that God would have us learn.

I don’t think that the Church should govern, but I do pray that our leaders will be guided by the Light of Christ to make righteous, godly decisions.

I don’t witness to people in bowling alleys, but the pertinant question isn’t why do these children do it, but rather, why don’t I?

Mormons aren’t Evangelical, but we are supposed to be evangelical.

I’m not saying I wish to be more Evangelical, but I’m not not saying it, either.

Hint, Hint

I know you want to know what would make my little heart happy, it being my birthday soon and all, so, how about this, or even better, how about this?

Is This a Mormon Church?

InQ

Just a slice o’ life post, with talent on loan from Netflix.

The First 25

1. Numb3rs: Season 1: Disc 3
2. Jesus Camp
3. Memento
4. Lucky Seven
5. Northfork
6. Thumbsucker
7. The Sixth Sense
8. Reality Bites
9. Bad Influence
10. Flightplan
11. The West Wing: Season 7: Disc 3
12. SLC Punk
13. Trust the Man
14. Conversations with Other Women
15. Schindler’s List
16. Church Ball
17. The Sentinel
18. Numb3rs: Season 1: Disc 4
19. Saving Grace
20. Children of Heaven
21. Delicatessen
22. The Machinist
23. I’m Not Scared
24. Intermission
25. Happy Endings

Any additions?

Lasciate ogne speranza, voi ch’intrate

“…so full was I of slumber at that point where I abandoned the true way.”

I shlepped up the stairs almost an hour and a half ago, sending the boy on his way, insisting I was so tired I would collapse on the bed and sleep the dreamless sleep that only the truly exhausted enjoy.

But the writer in me needs to unwind.

This blog is the only place in my life where I ever talk about, or even think about, myself as a writer.  What has brought me to this place, where I am suddenly the sum of my paycheck and my gpa?

I don’t read for fun anymore. I don’t write for the enjoyment, and I don’t worship for the ecstasy anymore.

Life is just one long checklist of things to do, people to please, and phone calls to make. That’s why I haven’t called you back in days, weeks, or even months–I am completely exhausted. Phone calls take emotional energy, as well as physical, and my well is just empty.

Even studying has lost its luster.

You know, I love econ, and I’m a geek through and through. I understand it with such clarity, and it all fits together for me, but damn it, I’m not a social scientist.

I’m a humanities person. If I were male, I’d wear tweed jackets and horn-rimmed glasses, smoke a pipe of high end tobacco, while sitting at a big oak desk, surrounded by shelves upon shelves of books.

I liked Adam Smith better when he was a Scottish philosopher instead of a classical economist; when his name was connected with Hume and Bentham and Mill, instead of John Maynard Keynes.

This will always be the battle between my mind and my heart, and being the person that I am, I will do the practical thing. I’ll sacrifice my love for my livelyhood, trading what I long to do for what I should do.

I’m much too young to feel trapped by my choices.

And yet I do.

This Mormon Life

I think I need to go to Church more often.

The bishop’s wife came through Drive Thru today, and I said hello in such a way that would indicate that I knew her.

Nope. Nothing. Not even a spark of recognition.

Maybe I am inactive.

Or maybe not.

_________

File under: All of the pleasure, none of the sin

 

I have discovered the nector of the Gods. Or gods, in any case.

 Simply Limeade is simply delish.

And it tastes just like a Tom Collins.

Surely the Lord doth provide a way for every commandment he gives.

I can feel like a lush without any of the nasty after effects, e.g., going to Hell.

In a Nutshell

I’ve been a bad, neglectful blogger.

This is what happens when life comes flying at you and you swing at it like an off-balance raquetball player, and you miss completely, and it hits you in the nose, and then you bleed everywhere.

It isn’t pretty.