My standard operating procedure is that every day I insist I will be going to bed early. I have to be up at six, so I shot for ten tonight. It’s now quarter past twelve. My bad.
But I’ve neglected blogging, and the thoughts are all swirling around in my head with no outlet.
The subject constantly on my mind is change. I feel my life and myself changing. I feel the tugging of the Spirit, in that small, still way. I say something, I do something, I think something, and if it isn’t what I know I should be doing, saying, or thinking, I feel a little tug in my heart and in my mind, a little jab, almost like guilt, pushing me to recognize these moments.
I’ve done a lot of talking to friends and pondering in my heart about the importance of becoming who I want to be, who I should be, who I must be, and I think that God is calling me out on the carpet in a way.
I think these little nudges are like the reminders that we sometimes ask our friends for when we are trying to change our behaviors. Or those little bits of unsolicited advice we sometimes get from said friends that we sometimes resent and then slowly embrace.
I think it’s time for embracing.
I feel emboldened in ways I’ve only wanted in the past.
I’ve spent the past few months thinking that I was so tired and so overburdened that I couldn’t be spiritual until I got some rest, but as I was walking across campus the other day, it hit me that my perspective was backwards.
My mind had distorted the order of things, much like those who refuse to take pills because only sick people take pills, so it must be that the pills cause the sickness.
I think that I must become a spiritual person if I ever want to find rest.
“For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father.” (Mosiah 3: 19)
I’ve always been pretty religious, but spirituality is uncharted territory for me. I kind of stumble around, trying to look like I know what I’m doing, but most times, I don’t even know where to start.
But I did some thinking on this one, and I think I’ve found the place to start. The place that started it all for me. My initial interest in the Church was sparked by what I had heard about the Word of Wisdom. So, is it much surprise that I start at the beginning?
We humans are creatures of habit and so it is these words that give me the comfort I need tonight:
“18 And all saints who remember to keep and do these sayings, walking in obedience to the commandments, shall receive health in their navel and marrow to their bones;
19 And shall find wisdom and great treasures of knowledge, even hidden treasures;
20 And shall run and not be weary, and shall walk and not faint.
21 And I, the Lord, give unto them a promise, that the destroying angel shall pass by them, as the children of Israel, and not slay them. Amen.” (D&C 89)