If You Must Know…

I’ve always figured that I’d get married some day, but mostly in that when I was really little and I imagined life, I noticed that everyone gets married and so will I sense.

And then I grew up, and I realised that the world is a big, bad place, designed for one purpose, and one purpose only:

To take every dream you have ever had and squeeze the life out of it until you drown like a beached whale.

And when I had this revelation, I resigned myself to the fate of every girl who has ever dreamed and then realised she was a closet gnostic: the old spinster with 17 cats, all named ridiculous cat names, like Oreo and Fluffy.

Now, granted, I may still have lots of cats with ridiculous names, but I won’t be a spinster.

Unless of course the groom to be spurns me, and I end up like Miss Havisham, alone in a room, wearing my yellowed wedding dress and watching spiders crawl across the rotted, decaying cake.

You never thought a post announcing engagement would include words like spider and decaying and beached whale, did you?

Well, that’s just how I roll.

Oh, and a note for the overly excited, who leave really long, disaster-filled messages on my voicemail, I did not say yes by text. That post was something else entirely.

It happened just the way I’ve seen in movies. We discussed it over dinner and came to a consensus, and then went shopping for a ring the next day.

Isn’t that how everyone does it?

5 responses to “If You Must Know…

  1. If that’s how “everyone” does it, than I’m clearly not “everyone.” I’ve been married twice and neither time did anything remotely like this script occur. It sounds like a good way to do things, though, so if the occasion ever arises…. bleah. I don’t even want to think about that.

    Congratulations to you, but more, I think, to him, for having the ability to recognize a gem when he found one.


  2. Congratulations, Crystal.

  3. a bit of wisdom, if i may (such as my tangled grey dome possesses) regarding ::

    *Isn’t that how everyone does it?*

    do your best in all things not to give a damn how everyone else does it. (yes, i’m pretty sure you said that tongue-in-cheek, i’m just sayin).

    my wife and i have had our happiest moments tossing the worlds expectations (and especially our families’ expectations) to the wind and doing what we feel like doing.

    yeah, we’re just a couple of rebels

    remind me to post one day about our REAL wedding in an old american cemetery about 6 months before we got married in the church in front of our family and friend creatures.


    and congratulations

    and to your boy if he reads this ::


    these are the people who know where crystal burried her bones 😉

    and crystal, ignore all the cynical crap people spew about marriage. most of it’s true, but what is also true is that it is sooooooo worth it.

  4. Congratulations. Been lurking VERY occasionally.

  5. Congrats, Crystal! We are very excited for you! You’ll have to let us know when and where and maybe we’ll be able to come …

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