It’s at times like this. 2 AM, home from work and fighting sleep, that the loneliness is concrete.

The funny thing is that I am not alone. A whole 20 ft away is the roommate, formerly the fiance, but that relationship is as strained as you might imagine.

When classes are in session, I barely have time to think, never mind dwell,  but the 40 hour summer work weeks leave me with too much time on my hands.

And it’s not a romantic relationship longing, though a little intimacy, to put it politely, would be welcomed.

What I really want is a once a week boyfriend. Someone who will settle for one date a week and plenty of phone time. But I doubt he exists. And I don’t even need that.

I would even be happier if I got to spend more outside of work time with Johanna, or if Jen lived closer, or of it wasn’t an hour and a half to my grandparents’ house. Or if people I missed would return my phone calls. Just a little acknowledgment is all I’m asking.

Or maybe I just need some sleep.

3 responses to “Lonely.

  1. Sometimes I wonder if being a student adds to that sort of thing. During the semester, things are hectic. Too much to do, too much to accomplish, and I’m for the most part, perfectly ok with squeezing in a coffee date once in a while.

    But that time between semesters kills me.

    I wonder what life will be like when I’m not measuring life in semesters. It scares me a little.

    A once a week boyfriend would be *perfect*. And I get the not-returning phone calls thing, too.

  2. I wish you well. Of all the things I’ve been through, the hardest, in many ways, was being in graduate school and being still alone. I didn’t meet Win until I was 28 (ok, people had tried to introduce us before, but it didn’t work).

    I hope you survive this, it can be so hard.

  3. Dealing with that is so hard. It’s been much worse ever since I hit 31 and found myself in a family ward with NO prospects.


    Well, it could be a lot worse.

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