I missed a pretty important self-imposed deadline today, but it really wasn’t my fault!
A suicidal car can really take the life from ya.
My appropriately named Death Trap decided that it would be a fun time to unlatch the hood and smash its own windshield. On the highway. At 2 AM.
Just for future reference, it is not fun to do so.
It is more like painful.
And if you attempt to work a ten hour day on your feet, you will only make it through five hours, before going to one’s grandmother’s house and collapsing on the couch.
You won’t feel up to being given a ride home, so you can hitch a ride to church the next day and have a really important meeting with your bishop.
Instead, you will stumble your way to a bed and pass out again, for 12 more hours. You’ll wake up feeling slightly guilty that you missed your self-imposed deadline, but mentally shake your fist at Satan and tell him you will win the next round.
Satan and I have a very precarious relationship. I used to give him absolutely no credit for the influence he could potentially have on me. I now worry that I may give him too much credit if I am not ever vigilant.
Admitting that I am a sinful being, in need of sore repentance,was no feat for me. Giving Satan any credit for my sinful ways, however, is a tough pill to swallow.
It’s all too easy to hide behind a devil made me do it defense, but I wonder if swinging too far to the other side is just as wrong. Scripture is pretty clear about what a bastard ol’ Lucifer is, so should I not recognize it as well?
I’m religious, but spirituality is tough for me. I have as hard a time believing in angels and ghosts as I do in devils and demons. Rules and regulations are clear cut and easy for me; relationships and revelations from beings I cannot see leave tractor trailer room for doubt.
I’m fairly rational. I believe things happen for reasons, but more in the cause/effect sort of way. I don’t often think that God punishes me, so to think that he blesses me is hard. I don’t think that God makes me do anything, so why would I blame Satan?
Well, clearly, neither can force my hand, but influence is influence, and people are highly suggestable. Pavlov and the dog and the bell and all that jazz.
So, why do I still feel guilty?