Trying to Do Better

I’ve always been an advocate of loving one’s job. Even with the current downturn in the economy, most people could find a new job, if they were hard-pressed to. My philosophy is if you don’t love what you do, you should change what you do, until you love what you do again; it’s the only way to truly maximize one’s utility.

And yet, I find myself truly unhappy at work, and unwillingly to change jobs. The thing is, I love my job. I have loved, loved, loved it in the past, and I feel like I can love, love, love it again. Just because I find myself in a challenging, unpleasant stituatin, doesn’t give me license to throw in the towel.

And mentally, I have been throwing in the towel. I survive shifts instead of run them. I let things slide that I know I never should. And part of me cares that I am doing (or not doing, as it were) these things, but before now, it hasn’t been a big enough part.

When did I give myself permission to behave this way? I must have been drinking that night.

I need to prove, if only to myself, that I am better than this, and I am not going to let some adverse circumstances stand in the way of remaining a principled person. I have standards, and they need to be upheld.

****

Outside of work, life is great, besides the tired bits. We’re gearing up for a move, and I really need to start in on the packing and organizing and just throwing stuff away. I have waaaaaay too much stuff. I think I would feel better if I just took a can of gasoline and a match and just burned it all.

It’d be much easier than packing!

School starts in one week. It really snuck up on me. I only have time for two classes this semester, but that’s two more closer to the goal.

College Algebra will be easy, but most likely time consuming. Freaking problem sets. I shouldn’t have to take the damn remedial math class anyway. I have mad econometric/intermediate micro skills, which require a basic understanding of calculus. I should have been allowed to take pre-calc, but that turned out to be a losing battle.

Psychology will also be pretty easy, and a lot of fun, but probably time consuming as well, as it is an online course, and those are always pretty work heavy, to make up for the lack of class time.

I’m really mentally unprepared for academic pursuits, though. I’m still in my work myself silly, stay up late, and never sleep mode.

And let’s be honest, I’ll probably stay in that mode even while classes are in session.

Because that’s how I roll.

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