You know, there are times when I can be a phenomenal idiot.
At work, Barb always tells me that I don’t need anyone to criticize me, because I am horrible enough to myself, but there are times when I should rake myself over the coals a bit, because somebody should!
One of those times is now. Justin did a good job of reading me the riot act, but at the time, I just brushed it off. A few days later, I am coming around to the wisdom of his words.
See, I am three weeks late for a doctor’s appointment. And that would be fine, if I didn’t need to go, so that my prescription could be renewed. There’s something wrong with the chemicals in my brain, and without the medication, I get all depressed and start having panic attacks, and it’s just ugly.
But oh so preventable.
And yet, I was too damn lazy to go to the doctors.
I was lying in bed last night, drifting off to sleep, and I had this mental image of doing physical harm to myself. With the big huge knife I bought to butcher turnips. I bolted upright and just sat there for a good five minutes, mouth mentally agape.
You have to understand that I would never actually do myself harm. I have no desire to die and 100% desire to live. Fully. One can have these kinds of scary thoughts without being actually suicidal. But the shock it was to my system was a bit much.
Needless to say, I am making it to the doctor tomorrow.