Justin has posited that it is actually my mood that is causing all of this rain. It hasn’t been sunny for days. I kind of like the rain, though. Curling up in a chair with a book, while the rain rhythmically falls, Nickel Creek in the background, and a cup of cocoa nearby sounds like quite the soul soother.
My soul is in need of a little soothing.
Work has been just crushing my soul. Wareham is just a spirit killer. It’s not surprising that it has gotten to me; it’s just surprising that it has been this quick.
Here’s the thing about me and work. I have all this fantastic operational knowledge–not perfect, mind you, but good. I know exactly how a shift is supposed to run, and all the little technical details that are supposed to improve efficiency and productivity, and ultimately lead to a well-run shift.
Most of the problems in the restaurant are of the top-down variety. If the head guy sucks at his job and allows things to go all willy-nilly, there really is precious little we subordiates can do, especially with the people whose bad behaviors are reinforced by said head guy.
I don’t get bad results because I am a bad manager. Sometimes I make poor decisions which lead to poor results, and that is undoubtedly my responsibility. I get bad results because I work in a bad store and I am not good enough or strong enough to fix it.
And it’s not my job to fix it, at least not on my own. I am a very capable member of the team. I have a lot to contribute. I can be part of a go get ’em, let’s fix things team, but only if that is the prevailing attitude of the whole team.
To steal a turn of phrase, I’ve been whispering a prayer in the fury of the storm. And the prayer can have a positive effect, when I have enough faith that it can, but lately my lamp is completely devoid of oil, and I feel more like I am throwing desperate pleas to a compassionless master.
It’s time to turn off the poisonous tapes. I don’t suck at life, or my job. I do have a job that sucks the life out of me, though, and it is time to change that.
I deserve better.