Today was a big day for me.
Today is the day I finally let go of even the idea that we will ever be more than friends. And now that the closure is here, I don’t care if he reads this. I mean, I doubt he even knows where my blog is, but even still.
I think what finally did it was the sheer ridiculousness of the whole thing. The trait I value most in myself–my intelligence–is why he rejects me as anything more than a friend. I was standing at the kitchen table, carefully constructing my dinner, and I just laughed, quite literally, out loud at the thought of it.
At work, Barb asked me if I were in a serious relationship with someone else, and Justin wanted to get together, would I leave that person for Justin. I said in all sincerity that I would not.
And then everyone I talked to proceded to disbelieve me.
Which I gotta tell ya, makes me wonder what kind of girl my friends take me for.
I mean, I know that when I fall, I fall. If I like you, I adore you and that’s that. I would do absolutely anything for you.
Anything that would not compromise my integrity. I would never make a serious commitment to someone and then just ditch them because someone “better” came along.
And someone who has been blind (willfully or not, I am not sure) to my affection for five years is not “better” than someone who would actually make a real and lasting commitment to me.
I relayed the Barb story to Justin and his response was, “Crystal, you’re just too smart for me. I could never be with someone as smart.”
The line is, and has for some time, been clearly drawn. I was just too stubborn to see it.
Now that I’ve moved past this barrier, it’s time to start knocking some of the other walls down.