Growing Up and Letting Go

Today was a big day for me. 

Today is the day I finally let go of even the idea that we will ever be more than friends. And now that the closure is here, I don’t care if he reads this. I mean, I doubt he even knows where my blog is, but even still. 

I think what finally did it was the sheer ridiculousness of the whole thing. The trait I value most in myself–my intelligence–is why he rejects me as anything more than a friend. I was standing at the kitchen table, carefully constructing my dinner, and I just laughed, quite literally, out loud at the thought of it. 

At work, Barb asked me if I were in a serious relationship with someone else, and Justin wanted to get together, would I leave that person for Justin. I said in all sincerity that I would not.

And then everyone I talked to proceded to disbelieve me. 

Which I gotta tell ya, makes me wonder what kind of girl my friends take me for. 

I mean, I know that when I fall, I fall. If I like you, I adore you and that’s that. I would do absolutely anything for you. 

Anything that would not compromise my integrity. I would never make a serious commitment to someone and then just ditch them because someone “better” came along. 

And someone who has been blind (willfully or not, I am not sure) to my affection for five years is not “better” than someone who would actually make a real and lasting commitment to me. 

I relayed the Barb story to Justin and his response was, “Crystal, you’re just too smart for me. I could never be with someone as smart.”

The line is, and has for some time, been clearly drawn. I was just too stubborn to see it. 

Now that I’ve moved past this barrier, it’s time to start knocking some of the other walls down.

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