Moving On

I’m really moving on in so many ways these days, that my head is almost spinning.

There’s the literal moving of home, which is now 95% complete, and will be finished before close of business today. And while this moving is the most immediate and phyisically demanding, it’s not the hardest.

I’m a clinger. I hate change of any kind. but I love growth, and growth demands change.

I’m learning that it’s okay for some people not to be in my life, even if their influence is mostly positive, and especially when their influence is mostly negative. Time may be infinite in the long term, but in the short term, there is a distinct shortage. It reminds me of that joke that in the long run, the market will fix itself, but as Keynes says, ‘in the long run, we are all dead.’

Letting go of fanciful notions is a tough process, too, and it’s one that pushes me into cynicism, as if I am not jaded enough. My One True Love is not my one true love. Heck, even my crushes are no longer my crushes. This aspect of moving on is one that is so healthy, but not so healthy, too, because it makes me build walls every time. I still have some growing to do in this department.

Instead of letting go and letting God, I am simply letting go of God. If he is really all-knowing, he will know why, and perhaps if he can see the future, he can see my eventual return, or maybe I won’t return. The universe I envision does not include a God who needs or wants worship. He seems far too laissez faire for that.

That post is still coming, but the boxes are beckoning.

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One response to “Moving On

  1. On a long enough timeline the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.

    -Chuck Palahniuk [Fight Club]

    Speaking as someone who purposefully wandered away from God for the better part of a decade, I’ve come to the conclusion that you are indeed correct.

    God does not need our worship.

    I have also come to the conclusion that the converse is not necessarily true. I don’t believe God needs our worship. But I do believe we need to worship God.

    But that is a conclusion come to through many years of hard rebellion, so I don’t expect you to accept it off the cuff.

    I do find my relationship changed.

    God has called us gods. I don’t think that makes me equal with God. But it does give me the right to set aside my blind childhood devotion and stand in the divine presence as I am, no more, no less.

    Myself.

    Unashamed.

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